What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 08:59
She married twice! .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
How does Arab culture and values differ from western culture and values?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What did i know ?
How can someone feel more FTM when AMAB?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He knew the spot.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
What is the reason for the high rate of unmarried individuals in America, particularly among males?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
What is your opinion on the band Nickelback? Why do they receive criticism from some people?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Comes on , in middle age.
Can you recommend a simple song with an awesome solo? What makes the solo stand out?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Did Leonardo da Vinci paint two Mona Lisas? Where are they?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She found it foreign!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was 9 years of age.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I said to her
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My life is so biszare .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I waited trembling.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My family never makes their pension either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So, i spoilt her more .
We were not on the streets..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im still living with it.
She loved him until the end.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But, we were locked up after school.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was very sick at this time too.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was seconnd youngest,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
It was going to be , some day.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So whats the point in blame.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
This is soul school!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
All the time i was locked up.
We all went to grammer schools
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was scared of men, in general
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I write beautiful poetry .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it wasn’t much.
Ive learnt so much.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And i lived it daily.
I think the readers, may guess!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was in good health!
She wouldn,t have been !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot live in the past .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I will be 64.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Would this be the day?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I have no regrets .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Who then, do I blame.?
When she asked me how she looked .
I don,t even have a pension.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..